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UK Music » Forums » The Studio » Open Mic »

why?


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Old 19-09-2006, 01:54 PM   #1
defiance
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 50
Default why?

aight..i put some work up before, but no one left me any feedback...been sitting for about 45 minutes writing this $$$$, so a little feedback would be much appreciated this time..any feedback left on my work will be repaid by me leaving feedback on yours...thanks peeps....peace and respect


why do peeps kill each other over small disagreements
and cause mothers to suffer lives full of pain and bereavment
like an acheivement they proud of themselves for what they done
well they wont be so proud the day that someone shot there son
why do peeps waste there lives chasing after the dragon
there lives spiralling out of control since the day they fell of the wagon
im not blaggin this is the way some peeps are living there lives
why do peeps disrespect each other, like husbands cheating on wives
wives retaliating with knives, husbands left full of holes
why do peeps spend there lives leeching, claiming the dole
they lost control, got no purpose in life, so they choose to stay high
this is why im asking the same question everyday..why?
why do some of my friends waste there days fragging on ketamine
smoking skunk, getting drunk, and maybe bombing anphetamines
popping pills like vitamins, overpowered by a chemical lust
why does everything u ever loved or cared about turn into dust
betrayed by the ones we trust, nowadays the worlds so cold
why are the streets filled with predators that prey on the old
they need to be told, need to snap out of it and wake up
why are girls as young as six wearing short skirts and make up
why parents break up, leaving children without parental stability
why are peeps born deformed or with severe disabilties
and attitudes of hostility, whys everyone always hating
why is every man only out for himself, never giving just taking
im waiting, debating trying to come to some sort of conclusion
but every time i try and anwser why i get engulfed in confusion
its like a delusion, i guess they like this coz its the hand god dealt them
but i keep asking why, whys my boy locked up in feltham
and why no one help em when help is all that they needed
why is it that everyday i feel the need to get heavily weeded
i suceeded in noticing all the flaws in our society
theres carnage on the streets, its fueled by fear and anxiety
theres such a variety of flaws, all this bull$$$$ i hate this
im not racist but why do asylum seekers get places
when we got our own without a home and theres so many spaces



aight...im done...couldnt be $$$$ed to write more...but this time please leave me some feedback, as it helps emcees in there quest for elavation...props
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Old 19-09-2006, 07:47 PM   #2
lady_lyrical_00
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ok the genre u chose was real' tht separates u frm the average 'tlkin'' mc so thtz gud, the structure was up to scratch so conveyin ur mssg was amplified
u had a selectiv range of volcab an agen tht helped make ur pieace mor of a serious social issue ratha than cryin ova a beat lol, u had sum metz but addin a few more would elevate ur pieace to a higher calibur of writtin. u had gud imagery

overall, in technique n flow etc. u pretty much on point,

keep urm comin
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