My Political Statement

Loko

DROP FEED AND A LINK FOR RETURN FEED

lookin back on September eleven and July seventh
we remember the innocent sittin in heaven
that sent the guilty to hell...
shed so many tears that filled up the well
of wishes n dreams of people...
we denounce this deceitfull evil
cos we seek to be peacefull people...
in Gleneagles the G8 summit who talk
about the tragedies of Madrid, London n New York
sit twiddlin their thumbs
while extremists try to turn our cities to crumbs...
tempers flare, bloods boil, anger rages
as we look through our newspaper's pages
at pictures of people; all races, all ages
coughin up soot with blood on their faces...
the faith of Islam tarnished once more
cos it's not every muslim that wants to cause war...
defiant we stand to the terrorists demands
we believe in our free world, no shackles on these hands...
death is a life without stress
but must confess that life is the worry of death
so who are you mr suicide bomber, mr follow Osama
to decide who takes their final breath?...
rest in peace all involved
all those innocent souls, we hope this grimmice resolves...
prayers go out from England, America n Spain
and they pray your deaths weren't invain...
light a candle up at your perch
n if there is a God, beg him to bring back peace on this earth.....

stand up..and be counted..hands up..as we've found it..
your freedom of speach..stand up..and please shout it..
the peace we've doubted..can live if we dont renounce it..

for kids that are delirious or oblivious, lets get serious,
lets raise our voices so the powers that be are hearing us,
join in protest, for war, the world shouldnt be the hostess,
lets boast less, unite in harmony choose peace and vote yes,
on an end to the fighting that shakes the ground we walk on,
look to politicians for peace but where has the talk gone?
back up the arses of Bush and Blair where it all came from,
but they point their fingers to the East to put the blame on,
an honest politician, cant name one, so they remain tainted,
the world is a canvass but only the blood and pain paint it,
we shy away from the truth that looks back at us blinded,
they hide it under files so as no one can find it, look behind it,
you will see lies and deciept, constant lines they repeat,
keep us in the dark but we just sit back and accept defeat..

stand up..and be counted..hands up..as we've found it..
your freedom of speach..stand up..and please shout it..
the peace we've doubted..can live if we dont renounce it..

voice your opinion, dont be affraid to speak the mind you have,
think you'll find we have the power in numbers to finally grab,
clutch and keep hold of our own lives, our visit's fate here,
make the world a place where the media cant illustrate fear,
lets immitate peers that pushed for the good of all men alive,
lets push forward in the hope we can keep that dream alive,
that we'll survive as a species, a race, the dominant being,
lets not get discouraged by the disgrace that we're seeing,
warheads that are aimed into innocent lives and shattered,
arab families with no hate until their family is scattered,
pushed into taking up arms against armies claiming to liberate,
a supporter of the cause, lost faith and forced to live in hate,
lost everything he cherished, suicide bomber, nothing to lose,
weapons of mass destruction unfounded, still looking for clues..

stand up..and be counted..hands up..as we've found it..
your freedom of speach..stand up..and please shout it..
the peace we've doubted..can live if we dont renounce it..

stamp your feet, make noise, the time has come to take control,
march with me and walk away from your lazy stroll, your vacant role,
put down your bacon roll, get up, lets get the world to notice,
I've diagnosed our problems, I'm just giving you my prognosis,
lets do this, lets take our fight to the doors that take our voices,
we need to cut our puppet strings from those who make our choices,
join me, kick down the doors, demand our leaders stop bluffing,
or stay voiceless, continue to sit on your sofa and do nothing,
lose you freedom of speach at your own peril but dont moan,
after you did nothing and suddenly terror rains upon your home,
even if you dont have friends or family walking armed out East,
come march the streets in a banquet with our words the feast,
we can turn the attention of the world to our stance atleast,
as we flock like geese in our fight for the chance of peace..

lady_lyrical_00

first n formost = atlast sum open mikz n real $$$$ lol

ite movin on..

i can c dat u have chosen to use a complex genre in this piece... an u did handle its complexity well, a majority of der tym

good - handled the genre n topik bein discussed well wid a variety of idea n emotions as well as approaches.... dint jump topikz but kept consistency which is gud..... used a variety of rhyme schmes but i personalli feel u cud include those less used schemes a lil mor,,, as well as includin mor metz/persona/syllabik an alitiration rhymin etc....u included the reader in this piece by the use of teh first person pronoun which dont bore them...an had a wide range of the semantic field...of politikz

basikalli u used the right 'ingredients' for the style of rap u wer writin to an it pulled togetha nicely


bad - these may b seen as minor msitakes but hav a big impact on the reader n audience as well as ur spitz potential.... structure was uneven at the start but as u went further into ur spit...u gt the jist of the structure which is gud however... the lines need to b slighter shorter in length...othawise it sounds like u tellin a story ratha than havin the rythamic feel to it coz mor words mean less rhythm so u end up soundin less rhythmic an mor story typ coz extra words tend to dilute the rhythamik rap like feel... but u kept that rhythm n key features feel regardless of the length

so overall feelin this piece..effort deffo made in dis.....sfe

Loko

thanks for the feed .. agree that the flow is choppy in places .. as for the structure - the 1st verse is an 'intro' type speach meant to set the rest of it up .. I tried to keep the 3 verses after that as close as possible in line length and flow etc... glad you felt it though .. cheers for the crit ..