MY barz tell meh if der gd or nt nd how 2 make dem betta init

[DdotB]

wen Spit My 21 Bars
der Hot Like Tar
i'll Soon Be A Star
I Will Never Go Away U Will Never Get far
i'll Banged Your Mum In My Car
i'll Use My Teeth 2 Rip Her Bra
Yo boyz U Cnt Chat
Yo boyz U Cant Rap
Come 2 My Endz And My Gun Will Go Brapppp
I Coming 4 U U Better Buy A Gat
Smash U Up With My Baseball Bat
Just Admit Im sick
afta i while u'll be suckin $$$$
u make ya mum look like a stupid $$$$$

straight up

u can't merk meh u need sum work g
givin it on msn dats hardly a sin
gna clash u im gna win

i may nt be rich but i still gt a $$$$$
spit in ya face break your jaw
looks like u guys r neva goin on tour
bang ya mum on ya bedroom floor

[MUSKK_2008]

If your new to spitting your ok, keep it up

[Cruel-T]

If you're new, yeah you're .. alright.
Try not to take four lines in a row, rhyming one word
ex: tar, star, far, car

It gets abit repetitive.

Change it up abit and you'll improve alot more.


Its good, though.

[DdotB]

thanks for dat yea i will try change dem a bit thats just a quick freestyle i dne im tryna sort out makin a mixtape just starting off wrighting da barz for the tracks

[Cruel-T]

thanks for dat yea i will try change dem a bit thats just a quick freestyle i dne im tryna sort out makin a mixtape just starting off wrighting da barz for the tracks

Good luck, keep tryin'.
I remember how it felt to have my tapes reviewed, and then I moved up.
I'm going to post Youtube videos of my performances and such.

I have a nice underground deal heading up.

[DdotB]

Good luck, keep tryin'.
I remember how it felt to have my tapes reviewed, and then I moved up.
I'm going to post Youtube videos of my performances and such.

I have a nice underground deal heading up.

it wud be gd 2 do sum sh!t wit u sumtyme fam man holla at meh wen u gt ya stuff uploaded

[Swinky]

too one dimensional i'd say!! you need to advance ya tecnique and vocab!!

[W10]

Id tend to agree with Swinky. Im new on here yeah. Your flow is a little basic, If I were you Id try to use more syllable rhyming and try to focus on the meaning of my sentence as opposed to building a sentence around the word I have chosen to rhyme with, get me?
On the positive note, if you have just started your flow will naturally change up and you will develop a style of writing that suits you, Vocab is important though because there is a certain number of words around so its good to find alternatives and meaning of new words.
Good attempt though. Try not to succumb to the cliche of English Rapping though, a lot of people try to sound like others, get me. Once you find your 'voice' as it were you will develop as a rapper and then you can not only have heavy bars but focus on delivery also.
Safe

[KIllinBoyDem]

manchester ant nice is full
of gangs with sraps and nives
fink there bad cuv thay role
with 9s thay ant nothin with out
there guns and nive
only cuz thay fink thay can
take sum1s life thay ant BADMAN
i ant no gentalman with a suit
and tie but i ant turnin a blind eye
stop the vilonts give it a try
if u dont all u gona do
is get locked up cuz u took a life
with a butcher knife dont get invold
befor u get 2 deep in tha gang land
but on the other hand is all up 2 u
to change tha way u live befor
u have a kid and oly have afew
quide 2 speand on yh kid all becuz
u donr have a sucore job
soon ul be stuk infunt of a judge
cuz u dint get out of tha gang and vionts
wilst u cud.

[devilsgeneral]

i agree wit cruel-T, sounds a bit repetitive, but sh!t i started off where u r and not blowin my own trumpet or nuttin but i've vastly improved, i find readin parts of a dictionary helps too jus to increase the size of your vocabulary, cuz if u got a big vocabulary then you can incorporate more complex words into your bars....we all gotta start somewhere tho still...overall..i like it

keep doin what ya doin playa!!!

1

[lyrical_g]

try mc'in it back to a grime instrumental if it fits and sounds gud
also ye try only make 2 ryhmin words in a row not 4
also where u say
I Will Never Go Away U Will Never Get far
i'll Banged Your Mum In My Car
it doesnt sound rite
but if u put
i will never go away u will never go far
i even banged ur mum in ur mums car
it kinda fits together if u understand wat im on about lol

[Bane]

f.uck lyrical, relax urself.

Stop reviving dead threads for $$$$s sake. There's enough threads for u to spit on...$$$$...!

[N104life]

bane why u hypen for.......ur tellen him to relax..bein u need 2 relax your self... DAMN!!!!!FIXUPLOOKSHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

[Bane]

bane why u hypen for.......ur tellen him to relax..bein u need 2 relax your self... DAMN!!!!!FIXUPLOOKSHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Lol why u even gettin involved? I know you have some amazing grudge against me for whatever reason but this isn't bout you. Lyrical doesn't need to be reviving old old threads so he can spit on then. There's more than enough active threads for him.

He's been doing it continuosly, there's no need for it.

And you comin on here and then me replying is keeping it alive so how bout we just drop it...

[lyrical_g]

Lol why u even gettin involved? I know you have some amazing grudge against me for whatever reason but this isn't bout you. Lyrical doesn't need to be reviving old old threads so he can spit on then. There's more than enough active threads for him.

He's been doing it continuosly, there's no need for it.

And you comin on here and then me replying is keeping it alive so how bout we just drop it...

wtf? i dint spit at all and ur also saying im reviveing threads all the time?
the threads ive actually posted into is this wifey bars and mc bars 2-4
so i dont get where u get tht from funny little joker try reading the reply b4 replying urself

[Bane]

wtf? i dint spit at all and ur also saying im reviveing threads all the time?
the threads ive actually posted into is this wifey bars and mc bars 2-4
so i dont get where u get tht from funny little joker try reading the reply b4 replying urself

Two of which were dead threads.

Simple maths dictates that 66.6% of ur initial posts have been reviving dead threads.

Or in other words the majority of ur initial posts have resurrected a dead thread...

Maths > You

But don't post back cos i won't respond since it's breathing life into this thread.

[vibezee_boii]

rate deez barz plz
vibezee boii ima star in da makin,
mcs are hatin buh none of dem are flakin,
on street blood all of dem are bravin,
dai will get wet up an left on da paving,
cuz my flow is big lyk ma team ,
dwn 4 da war and im like skeen,
run up on yyur manz lyke assasins creed put a shank to his heart and watch him bleed.

deez fake mcs dai wanna do me,
cuz im asian blood dai wanna screw
ona bout ona bout dai gonna slough,
buh naaa no 1 cn move me,
big on scene dats yurs truely,
star in da hood lyk a star ina movie,
mcs hatin cuz im a star lyk bruce lee,
hatin on mee den im sendin 4 yu gee

[kd0t]

...

lol @ dropping some deep ish so early in the morn, you must wake up serious! rofl

@vibezee: first verse was ok, grime lyrics so I dont ever rate them that highly but is good for what it is. Second verse fell a bit flat mainly the first 4 lines' rhyme scheme's were messed up. But to be honest you are better just spitting and letting people listen to audio to give proper feedback because flow is very important in grime as opposed to the lyrical content in hip-hop.

[vibezee_boii]

lol @ dropping some deep ish so early in the morn, you must wake up serious! rofl

@vibezee: first verse was ok, grime lyrics so I dont ever rate them that highly but is good for what it is. Second verse fell a bit flat mainly the first 4 lines' rhyme scheme's were messed up. But to be honest you are better just spitting and letting people listen to audio to give proper feedback because flow is very important in grime as opposed to the lyrical content in hip-hop.

thanx 4 da feed bak