Couple Verses

[Allround TV]

Here's a couple verses off a track im working on:

VERSE 1

THE RICH GET RICH WHILE THE POOR STAY POOR
NOTHING EVER CHANGES ITS AN ECONOMIC WAR
THE GOVERNMENT RIDE US LIKE $$$$$ES IN A PORN
DOUBLE PENETRATION AN THEY COME WITH A ROAR
PAWNS IN THE GAME THEY THE PIMPS WE THE WHORES
STACK WITH THEM P'S JUST TO LOSE WHAT WE HOARD
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH THEY DONE LOST MY APPLAUSE
TIME FOR SOME CHANGES TUPAC YEA SHAKUR


VERSE 2

FALSE WARS JUST TO STEAL FOR A PROFIT
INNOCENT LIVES ON THE LINE AN THEY KNOW IT
SOLDIERS DIE EVERY DAY AN FOR WHAT ITS FOR NOTHING
GOVERNMENT SIT BY AN THEY WATCH AS WE GOING
THE TRUTH IS THAT THEY'RE SCARED AN THEY KNOW IT
BUT THEY AINT GONNA BACK DOWN NA THEY AINT SHOW IT
AN THEY KNOW THAT THE NUMBERS ARE GROWING
THE MASSES HAD ENOUGH KNEE DEEP THEY BE ROWING

[kd0t]

It's okay but I think you should expand on the themes a bit and add a bit of depth. I wouldnt say soldiers were innocent or dying for nothing but what about the fact they send them out with poor equiptment and mercs are better equipped? What about treatment of the injured, atrocities committed in the name of peace, the fact that we act civilized but still killed Osama in front of his family while he was unarmed, or the lies perpetuated so that we would go to war in the first place.

More than for nothing, its risking your life for a lie. I think you should write 16 line verses and do two, with a bit more depth think it could come out really well..