joke competition

KRAZY D

post up the funniest thing/joke u got and the winner gets a prize


heres 1

Two six-year-old boys are standing in the toilet having a pee.
One turns to the other and says, “Your dinky doesn’t have any skin on it.”
“That’s because I’ve been circumcised,” he replies.
“Cor! What does that mean?”
“It means the skins been cut off the end.”
“How old were you when they did that?”
“About two days old.”
“Did it hurt?”
“It sure did. I didn’t walk for a year!”

DOES IT MATTER

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar:

| Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 |

| Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 |

| Hand Job: $10.00 |

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and
beckons to one
of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking
group of men.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The man replies "Well go wash your hands - I want a cheese sandwich!"

SUPERSTAR SINISTA

fo real

Dee

HA HA HA HA

KRAZY D

thats wicked ha ha

Johnny asked for time off because his wife was going to have a baby. The following day, his boss asked him what it was – a boy or a girl.
“Too early to say,” said Johnny. “It’ll be another 9 months before we know the answer to that.”

DOES IT MATTER

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speaches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.

The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen".

On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better than that English $$$$$$$ and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin.

When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. "Well" he explained" By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Dear Ladies and Gentlemen".

On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I'll go one further than those mainland $$$$$$$s and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously.

When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing. "Well" he explained," by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying -
Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."

DOES IT MATTER

that 1 is long but funny.............................

Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show, where you have to answer questions to win the cash prize.

Lady luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game, but unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question. Needless to say, Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous and fidgety as her husband drove them home.

"I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are. You know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow!"

"Relax, honey," her husband, Roger, reassured her. "It will all be OK."

Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door.
"Where are you going?" Jane asked.
"I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon" he replied.

Jane waited impatiently for Roger's return. After an agonizing 3 hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin. "Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer!"

"What is it?" she cried excitedly.
"OK. The question is: 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?'
And the answer is 'The head, the heart, and the penis.'"

Shortly after that, the couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling confident and at ease, plummeting into a deep and restful slumber. At 3:30 in the morning, however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question.
"The head, the heart, and the penis," Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep.

And Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again, Jane replied correctly. So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel the butterflies conquering her stomach and nervousness running through her veins.

The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience
of the previous days events, faced Jane and asked the big question.

"Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10 seconds."

"Hmm, uhm, the head?" she said nervously. "Very good.
Six seconds." "Eh, uh, the heart?" "Very good! Four seconds."

"I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..."
"That's close enough," said the game show host, "CONGRATULATIONS!!"

DOES IT MATTER

rah....there long......
A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at it.

When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences to repeat the performance.

The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and starts again.

The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. During the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself.

So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes a deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed...and finds four Chinese men.

Dee

lol Nuff funny!!!!!!!

Smoovie

Two Priests decide to take a shower,

whilst there showering they realise that there is no soap.

so one of the priests decides to go get the soap, it was late at night so he just went stark naked.

the priest managed to get two bars of soap and walking along hte hallway when all of a sudden three nuns appear to be walking in his direction.

the priest startled and as quickly as he could froze along the hallway like a statue.

as the nuns were walking past one of the nun's stopped and started to comment on how life like this statue was.

then they all started to stare at it, and then "out of nowehre" one of the nuns grabbed the priest's "peanus",

out of shock the priest dropped a bar of soap.

"oh look" the nun said, "it's a soap dispenser"

so the other nun grabbed his bellend and the priest dropped the other bar of soap.

"your right" said the nun, how lovely.

the third nun decided to give it a go, she gave a tug then another one and another then finally gave an allmighty tug,

"oh look.....Hand lotion!!!!" said the nun!.

Dee

hahahaha

Is it juss me findin these bare funny!!

EllJaY

Dee

Innit, big up!

*Emma*

Smoovie big up urs was heavy! haha

*Emma*

This is a winner...

'Knock Knock'

'whos there?'

**silence**

'whoops they must of run away!'

hahaha

i tried!!

Dee

Smoovie

Thankyou lady E

DOES IT MATTER

yea that was good from smoovie

DOES IT MATTER

One night a lady pregnant with triplets was walking by and a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her in the stomach three times.

Her docter told her that he couldn't perform surgery because it would be too risky.

All was well for 16 years when one of the girls came running into the room crying.

"Whats wrong?" asked the mother.

"I was taking a pee and a bullet came out".

"It's ok" said the mom and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later the other girl came running into the room crying, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out?"

"Yes" replied the girl.

"It's ok" said the mom and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later the boy came running in crying, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out. "No" replied the boy, "I was playing with myself and shot the dog!!!!!!!!"