Foreigners guide to London city (from a south London view)

Iceman

Calling at … ugkww, rewind, urban forums, stay locked then fa st to urban central, dubplate.net, platinum ents, hlc and uptown. London city post calling at all forums via …. Uptown

London
Welcome to the city of London. This is the city in which garage was born. No not US garage UK garage oh and one last thing prepare to get ripped off!!!!.

Tramps
Look out for the tramps then again you cant miss them. And cant blame them either. But (were ever tthier are woman are about theirs butts) you kind of think well how the fuk did you get in the country in the first place. Flight tickets are in the hundreds and you know that because you’re a foreigner right?. And how the fuk is that baby still as sleep on this noisy construction, traffic bibbing high street. How is the baby still asleep on the noisy TUBE. Come on now. London is one of the most expensive places in the flipping world HOW did you get HERE through the channel tunnel? If yes then how did you make your way to London City na seriously im curious.

Train
This is London and and on a typical London week day youll squeeze your self through the closing doors and under a sexy business woman legs. Lets face it your LATE and youll do anything to get on that train. You aint gonna wait half hour for a next one are you? Exactly. Getting on the train is like playing chess now let me explain. You arrive at the platform and already its way over crowded BUT!! (light bulb above head) you spot a space and the train is due in 2 mins. What do you do?. No you fool (back hand to forehead) you plan ahead that’s right plan ahead. You slyly move in front of the person in front of you. Then he will clock that you’ve just gained 5 space ahead of him. Then he will move diagonally to get in front of YOU. But your main aim is to slyly move closely to the front of the predicted door position.

London underground
Woman – “Erh excuse me sir. What happen to ladies first”?.
Bear belly, brief case carrying, anorak business Man - “Wo hahaha a ha aha shít darling do you know were you are no wo ha ha no no wait wait do you know what time it is?. Wo haha ooh SNAP!!! get out my fuking way im late for work”. Sorry ladies you r silly little ladies first scheme wont work on tubes unfortunately. Oh and don’t worry if tubes via north London piss you off cos they piss every one off. As soon as tubes reach north London, lines like the Hammersmith & city line, circle line and Piccadilly lines like to take a good 10 min break in the peak of the morning RU SH ho ur. Oh and don’t pay attention to any of the signs in north cos they will point you to the wrong platform. No one likes north. “You what ice $$$$” “please don’t hurt me im just a beach arse fool. I I I ive got friends in north London”

Blind peepz
Blind people love travelling on the underground for some reason. “mind the GAP” they all seem to board tubes with no trouble at all.

Nutter
look out for an un known nutter seen on the bus route 53 and also on the bakerloo line. he tends to carry a loud speakers and preaches gospel. hes like to get on packed 53 via elephant & castle and preach to people that are not interested. he is a white male, wears scruffy looking clothes, carrys a loud speakers and a matching mic to go with it, has whats like some sort of puffer jacket on him too. beware he may come to you

Escalators
GETTT OUT MY FUKNING WAY YOU STAND ON THE WWWWWRRRRIIIIGHHHTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!
Enjoy your stay now bye

Dee

LOL!

Big up! That Blind thing Is so true tho!