Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
> > One turns to the other and says "dam"
> > Two peanuts walk into a bar
> > One was a salted.
> > A jump-lead walks into a bar.
> > The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start
> > anything."
> Chap ask's lady "do you clean your knickers with windolene"
> Lady replies "no,why". Chap replies "Cause I can see myself in them"....
> > A sandwich walks into a bar.
> > The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
> > A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his
> > arm and
> > says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
> > Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
> > The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
> > Two cannibals are eating a clown.
> > One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
> > "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of
> > home'." That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it
> > common?" "It's not unusual."
> > Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy
> > says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this
> > morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true,
> > no bull!"
> > Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
> > One says, "I've lost my electron."
> > The other says, "Are you sure?"
> > The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
> > Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullsh#t
> > before
> > A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
> > "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for
> > him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
> > So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then
> > checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to
> > put him down."
> > "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
> > "No, because he's really heavy"
> > I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but
> > I couldn't find any.
> > I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50
> > quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
> > And he said, "No, the steaks are too high."
> > My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
> > He was pulled in by a strong currant.
> > A man walks into doctor's office.
> > "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
> > "It's... um... well... I have five penises." replies the
> > man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers
> > fit?" "Like a glove."
> > Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his
> > van covered with nuts & hundreds and thousands. Police
> > say that he topped himself.
> > What do you call a fish with no eyes?
> > A fsh
> > Two fish are in a tank
> > One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"